It's Just One Of Those Days....

So, I guess I really suck at sticking to something! I took pictures, but haven't posted them, so that makes me in the failure zone. Oh well! Not like a ton of people read this anyhow and would miss my pictures!

I have a post going up soon. I was blogging almost daily, but some stuff came up, and I just haven't. But, I will blog about those "stuffs" soon!

I think I'll do that thing I see everyone doing. Picture a day for a year, I think is what it's called. so, I have a few minutes left until the new day, so here's my Day 1.

My current view:

My husband refuses to eat anything raw. As in, not ever going to try it, don't even ask.

So, on Fridays, we normally go to town and do all of our grocery shopping and enjoy lunch. Kidless. For the first time..in like...ever. Well..at least almost 7 years anyhow. It feels good to go out as just a couple and spend some Mom and Dad time together. We very very..well..never..get that!

The one restaurant we go to has sushi, and I, like my husband, refuse to eat anything raw at all. But I found a good compromise in this sushi. I found a few things that weren't raw or uncooked..whichever you like to say. And guess what? I really liked it! I know I've had something with crab, tuna and something else, not sure. But it was all good and it's my favorite restaurant to eat at now! So, seeing as how I told J that it wasn't raw, and it was actually very good, he tried it. Here's how it went down:

Me: Put some soy sauce on it, it's even better like that.
J: Ok.
J then proceeds to put the first piece of sushi in his mouth. Stops, looks at me, and spits it all back up in a napkin. Keepin' it classy, I tell ya!

Me: What in the world??!
J: I hate it, it tastes horrible. If I wanted something that bad, I should have just asked for something that tasted like ass when we first sat down.
At this point, I am laughing so hard my stomach is hurting.
J: It tastes like it was preserved from the 70's and it's bringing back the funk. And not in a good way.

I love my husband.

I really really don't know how much longer I can go with these sleeping problems. I'm exhausted. I'm so tired all the time, even if J lets me sleep in or take a nap on the weekends, I feel literally drained.

Almost 7 years of wrestling with sleep would be enough to set anyone off the deep end. I either don't sleep all night, get the kids on the bus and then take a nap, or go to bed at night and only sleep a few hours before waking up again.

J keeps telling me: "Stay awake all day, stay awake all day, then you'll sleep all night and your sleeping will be back to normal". Do you know how very hard it is to stay awake all day when the housework and things are pretty much done? I don't trust myself to drive anywhere, for fear I'll fall asleep while driving. Do you know how hard it is to stay awake when you've only gotten a few hours of sleep in a 24-48 hour period. Can't be done unless I start taking some no doze stuff. Energy drinks don't work for me and they taste like what cat urine smells like. Bleck.

I guess my next step will somehow have to be getting to a sleep doctor. J works 3rd shift, and even though Fridays are supposed to be their days off, they do work overtime on that day and you never know which Friday you are going to work. They can spring it on them Thursday night. So it's not that easy to just up and make an appointment there when they are only there from Monday-Friday.

Things have gotten a lot worse over the last few months. Some changes I've noticed have been:

1. Increase in stress when dealing with the kids and husband.
2. Increase in being in a horrible, bitchy mood at all times.
3. Increase in being very weepy and crying a lot over things.
4. Increase in headaches.
5. Increase in full body aches.
6. Increase in my back hurting.
7. Increase of pain in between my shoulders, right in the middle, which goes up through my neck and causes pain in my neck.
8. Lack of concentration.
9. Memory problems.
10. Energy problems.
11. Loss of coordination at times.
12. Lack of being able to plan and stick to those plans.
13. Not being able to get my words out right when speaking, or words getting jumbled around.
14. My typing skills have gone to crap, and I used to be a very good and fast typer.

That might not seem like much, or some things on that list might not seem important to some, but it's important enough and frequent enough for me to take notice of them.

Here are some facts about insomnia:
"It is estimated that approximately 70 million American adults are affected by insomnia – characterized by difficulty falling asleep, waking frequently during the night, waking too early and not being able to return to sleep, or waking up not feeling refreshed. One study has found that only 20% of insomnia sufferers are being treated with a prescription sleep medication.


Results from a recent National Sleep Foundation Sleep in America poll reported that respondents experienced the following at least a few nights a week:

•65% experience insomnia symptoms,
•nearly 50% wake up feeling unrefreshed,
•42% awake often during the night, and
•nearly 30% wake up too early and can not get back to sleep.

An estimated 20% to 40% of all adults complain of acute, or transient, insomnia, generally defined as a complaint lasting several days up to a couple of weeks, while 10% to 15% complain of chronic insomnia, generally defined as a complaint lasting approximately four weeks or longer. The negative health consequences of insomnia are becoming better understood. Studies have shown that insomnia lasting more than four weeks is associated with a wide range of adverse health conditions, including mood disturbances, depression, difficulties with concentration and memory, and certain cardiovascular, pulmonary and gastrointestinal disorders. Chronic sleep deprivation has also been associated with an increased risk of diabetes and obesity. One study showed that when normal sleep was restricted by as little as two hours per night across two weeks, the affected person experienced a significant decrease in cognitive function that resulted in reaction time and other performance measures resembling those of a person who stayed up for 48 hours straight."

It may be in bad form, but I can see why Micheal Jackson resorted to those heavy drugs to help him sleep. Ambien just doesn't cut it anymore. I've been on it more times than I care to count and after a while, they just don't work. I've even tried other things like Melatonin and Chamomile Tea. Didn't get far with the tea though, it's HORRID tasting! Over the counter stuff has just lost it's edge and all of my docs now want me to go get a sleep study test done....

Which leads me back to having no one to help with the kiddos while I go have one done.

But, I'm afraid if I don't do something soon, I'm going to crack completely and be thrown in a nut house and then what? I seriously do not want to have a mental breakdown over lack of sleep and the stress it causes me.

I don't look good in white, and I'm claustrophobic.

A got something sent home today. It was a form requesting that we fill it out and return it. It was a form for him to participate in the Special Olympics. My first thought was.."Uhh..no, I don't think so". My second thought was.."Ok, maybe". My third thought was.."Uhh..no, I don't think so". See a pattern? It was very weird for me to get that letter. A lot of emotions ran through my head and heart all at once. What I can't get over is why they think he needs to be signed up. Are they trying to tell me something I don't know? A is in no way mentally, emotionally, or physically disabled. He does not have Autism or ADHD/ADD, Bipolar or have any other problems like that. And then I remembered...

Because A has an IEP, he automatically, in the state of Georgia, is declared to be special needs/special education. For the next 3-7 years, shorter depending on how he does with Speech Therapy, he will be declared as a special needs/special education child. It's easy for the state to dump all the children with IEP's in this category for whatever reason. Maybe they don't want to look at children's needs on an individual basis, after all, that's what the IEP's are for so why should special effort be given to categorize them?

Maybe I'm just being over emotional.

For the record, I want to say that I support the Special Olympics. My former stepson had Cerebral Palsy and always participated and you can be sure that I was in the stands to support him and cheer on the other participants. I went to at least 5 Olympics before his dad died and things just changed after that. I also want to say that in no way do I think that my child is too good for Special Olympics, I just don't think he falls in the category of needing to participate. I know they have different groups according to ability, but I just can't see putting him in with another child and A winning over all the other kids because he is not physically or mentally disabled. He runs like crazy, can just from tall buildings with a single bound (ok, not that really), but his motor skills are crazy. I would not want him to have that sort of advantage over another child. 

Also, it does not matter to me in any way, shape or form, if my children are or were special needs, I would love them just the same. I didn't want to put all this on my FB page because I do have friends on there with developmentally delayed children and children who are physically and mentally delayed as well. This was a decision J and I had come to, with lots of thought, and with the utmost respect for the Special Olympics.

So you may be wondering why I am putting up a post about this coming Christmas. I have a good explanation for that and it's..well...it's that I don't know!

J and I decided that since the kids are getting older and can now start forming memories and really getting into the spirit of Christmas, that we are going to start putting more than just the tree up. Also, they can help put up the decorations!

We love going to thrift stores. It's amazing all the things that people throw out that is cute or reminds J of things he had growing up. I like to get the boys their play clothes there as well. Also, the one thrift store here gives back to the community by helping pay rent or utility bills. So if you buy stuff or donate stuff to be sold, it goes back to the community and I like that. So we shop there often and it's the first place (besides holding back some clothes for friends) we donate to.

So we've found a few Christmas whatnot's there. Also, we went to Walmart and got 20 boxes of Christmas lights for 62 cents a piece. J wants to put them out on his pine trees and I want some on the porch next year. The boys will love helping out with that! Also, I'm a freak about cute name tags and Christmas bows being on every gift, so I got 100 gift tags and 45 bows for 75 cents each. Also, we got these wall clings that are ornaments and they are pretty big, so that will be cute and we also got a wooden mitten that has little wooden blocks that has you count down the days until Christmas.

We had so much more to put away this year, and we keep adding to it. What is wrong with us?!

Next Christmas should be interesting and a lot more colorful!

Sometimes, I really have nothing to say. Yes, I lead a boring life. Makes blog fodder harder to come by at times.

I'm starting to get all of my medical records together to apply for disability. At least give it a shot anyhow. My date of being last insured with disability was Dec. 2009. But, if I can prove that my surgery is a direct result of my injury in 2001, I may have a shot. It may take me a few years, but that's ok, I have nothing but time. I know it's probably not looked at in a positive light that I, only 33 years old, am trying to get disability. Like I'm trying to not work because I'm lazy, or I'm "screwing" the system, but I'm not. I cannot even walk around a grocery store without the end result of me being in a ton of pain after the end of the grocery run. My hips and back scream at me and at times, I get upset or angry with J and the kids because I'm in such pain and I just want it to be over already. Something I loved doing, is now gone. I loved going shopping with J, it's something we have enjoyed doing for a long time, even if it's just to go look. Now, it's stress and pain filled when I think about having to get up and down and in and out of the car. I'm clutching my back and trying to stay nice to other shoppers when all I want to do is yell, "Get the FRIG out of my way for the last time!!!". That's totally not me, and it sucks.

My left leg is not any better, even after taking medication to help calm the nerves down, it still feels like it's constantly asleep. It's still numb and tingly in places, mainly in my foot and toes and back of my calf muscle, and that makes it a little hard to walk at times. I'm not as quick as I used to be.

I don't want to go on disability, and it's taken me over two years now to settle on finally going for it. I had actually applied for a few jobs, but haven't heard back from any of them. I've come to realize that maybe it's a blessing that I didn't hear from any of them, that maybe my path is to try for disability.

I have a local attorney that someone recommended to J, so I'm going to be calling her when I get the majority of my paperwork together. The main paperwork I need is from the doctor in 2001, the doctor I saw immediately after my injury and saw for almost 2 years. I'm also getting paperwork from doctors in Ohio that treated me, and did MRI's and of course, the doctors down here.

It should be interesting, and we are probably in for a long ride, but that's ok. I'm up for a good challenge and I've heard that this lawyer is really good too. So, until then, we wait, and hope for the best!