Monday, March 18, 2013
As you get older, your close knit group of friends gets smaller and smaller. It diminishes to just a few that you can really count on and trust. You never want to see any of them hurt, or sad, or scared or upset or crying. Especially if one friend has had nothing but a shit storm thrown at them since they were young.
This is the case in which I have a friend that is going through some very tough times with her husband, they are working on things and doing what needs to be done to save their marriage and their lives together with their children. I really like her husband, he has ALWAYS been nice to us and has never made us feel unwelcome or uncomfortable any time we have visited them. But, since their problems, I have stated my opinion, as I so loudly do in times of emotional stress, without thinking. I did not think of how what I said would affect her, I didn't stop to think that he is also having just as tough a time as her and I didn't care while I was ranting to her, when all she wanted to do was call and talk to me, and for me to lend an ear.
It wasn't fair of me to think of her husband as this huge douche-nozzle that needed punched as hard as anyone could. It definitely wasn't fair of me to say it out loud and expect her to agree with me.
After all, would I really want any of my own friends to say that about the father of my children and my husband?
So after talking with my own husband about what I said and how I reacted, I realized what a HUGE bitch I must have sounded like to her. She doesn't need any more stress, she doesn't need any more emotional torment and I just added to that. I acted like he was scum and he didn't deserve her, when in reality, she and the kids may be all he has left to hold onto. Someone to fight for. I do care that he gets better, I do care that he is just as upset and confused as she is. But, she's my friend, and I was feeling a great need to say something...anything..or do anything to protect her. I feel so horrible and mad that she has to go through this and to me, he was solely responsible for all of this. But, we aren't teenagers anymore, we have families and lives and even though they are not perfect at times, they are still ours and we have to do what we can to make them wonderful while we are here on Earth and as her friend, I am just here to support her, not to judge.
So, who was the douche-nozzle then?
After coming to that conclusion, I wrote her an apology email. I really wanted to assure her that I am here for her, that I really really hope that things work out, and that I will still be here, one way or another. That I want both of them to be happy.
That's a real friend.