Wednesday, December 5, 2012
I need to get back to being a more patient, loving Mother. I love my kids, I love them very very much. But, when they are acting like wild animals, I can't stand it. I need to get back to loving to have them at home, enjoying them and not worrying about why they aren't acting right, or more mature for their age.
I don't know why I feel like I have to throw all of these expectations on my kids. I expect them to listen and be good at all time. But why?? They are 5 and 7 year old BOYS, who are rough and tumble and loud and dirty and playful. Why can't I just let them be them sometimes? I especially do this when they get around family. I always think my kids have to be perfect and well behaved.
They are supposed to be curious and ask questions and touch things and to be reminded to be gentle at times. They are to be lead, taught and loved. Not bullied into being perfect.
I need to get back to hugging them more. Kissing them more and tell them I love them more. I need to be less stressed, even when I'm in massive pain and feeling down. I need to remember that they are my life and the one true things in this world that is actually mine. I need to worry less about what my freeking family thinks and more about what my boys think. I need to make sure they grow up knowing it's ok to fail, or to have a not so good day, it's ok to get frustrated and it's ok to ask for help. I DO NOT want them growing up like I did. Afraid of every move I made, or everything I said or afraid of doing the wrong thing. That's not a way to grow up. I don't want that for my boys!
I need to realize that just because I might be having a bad day, doesn't mean I can throw my bad day off onto them.
I need to take a deep breath when they are fighting and talk to them in a quiet, neutral tone of voice, instead of adding to the yelling.
Looking back at this list, I have a lot of "I need to do's" on this list. Am I really that bad of a Mother?? Wow..just..wow.