Tuesday, March 29, 2011
A long time ago, I never wanted kids. Never thought about having any, scoffed at anyone who said I needed to have kids. I just really loathed the idea of having kids. I loved my nephews and other kids, but was glad they weren't mine to take home at the end of the day. I wanted to live that Child Free lifestyle! Obviously, things are different. So here's where I rant some. Please remember that this is my opinion and does not reflect on what other parents or mothers think. I really respect people who do not want children, it is their choice, and I do not see what the big deal is and why they get so much crap for being child free. But, I've stumbled across a few Child Free By Choice blogs and I'm a tad bit annoyed at all the myths concerning motherhood and why we become parents.
Myth #1-Parents have children so they can be constantly told "I love you Mommy/Daddy" and Mommy and Daddy always wanted a mini-me.
Answer: WTF?! Seriously?! I do not want a mini me..I did not have children because I want their constant adoration. I had children because my heart leaned that way. Because I wanted to care for another human being that was a part of me and my husband. I wanted to give that little person all the love, guidance and attention I possibly could. I wanted to be a part of raising a human, and send them off to the future being proud of what they have become, what I helped them become.
Myth #2-Kids are bad for marriage/relationships.
Answer: Really?? I mean, sure, it is a little more stress and your life does become a little more hectic, but, if you can't handle a little more chaos in your marriage, then you shouldn't be married in the first place. You learn how to deal with chaos as a couple and it makes you stronger and able to take on more in your relationship. Life alone, even without kids, is still hectic and crazy.
Myth #3-Your broke financially, with kids.
Answer: So, not having children, you never worry about the mortgage or rent? Never rant and rave over a phone or power bill? You don't save a little here and there to build up to get what you want? I don't think so. Unless you are rich, you will always worry over money and bills. I'm sure you have said, "I'm going to start saving for a down payment on that car". Guess what?? People with kids think and do the same thing! Shocker! Unless you have a child with special needs or is medically frail, the cost of having a child isn't really that much more. Sure, you learn how to spend your money more wisely, and tighten the purse strings a little more, but I even did that when I was single and without kids! There are things you can do to save money with kids, and things you do with your money when you are without kids. Not seeing much of a difference there.
Those are the top three that I remember most. Another thing that kind of irks me is the name calling on some of these blogs. How they tear down parents, especially mothers. It really almost boils down to cyber bullying. I hate how some bloggers call children "little brats" or "terrors", "monsters" and "whiners". Trust me, I hate when parents let their kids run all over restaurants, and I used to get embarrassed when my own child cried, but guess what?? They are kids..we are not in the 1940's where children are "seen and not heard". You were a kid once, and you probably had a few temper tantrums at the grocery store. I really think I would knock someone in the head if I overheard them complaining about "all the brats in this restaurant". How do you know my child is a brat? How do you know my child doesn't sit down nicely and on a few occasions has to be reminded to talk a little quieter? Why lump all children into the category of "Brat"? I'm sorry you wanted to come to a restaurant and have a quiet dinner, but there are others out there who come with their families and want to talk and laugh and have a good time, kids included.
I'd don't expect to be catered to because I have kids, but I do expect to be treated with respect, and my children not looked upon as if they are nasty little unkempt pests. Just like I would treat anyone without kids with the same respect, just like EVERYONE on this planet deserves.