Sunday, February 13, 2011


I was on the receiving end of a very very VERY rare fit from S today. J needed to go to urgent care for his foot, he was having his first bout of gout in almost 2 years and couldn't ease the pain. J is a tough guy and rarely complains about pain, so I knew he was hurting when he offers to go to the doc without me pleading. Anyhow...the kids were just not listening today. Instead of sitting with J in the office, I had to end up taking them out to the car to sit and wait. Then I tried to go back in with them, and A was being a total brat and S was being good, so I took just A back out to the car. About 15 minutes later, J walks out with S and tells me he will just not listen and will not settle down, and he can't handle going after him and so S joined us in the car.

Engage tantrum from an almost 6 year old. He didn't even throw temper tantrums as a toddler, so what the hell?! He was very dramatic. Chest heaving, deep breathing, crying, snot dripping from his nose and had a red face. It was very..umm..well..drama queen-ish. He ranted and rave and cried and said he missed his Daddy and that Daddy promised he would come back (no idea where he got that idea from, I'm thinking maybe a kid at school who's parent's are divorced and their Daddy didn't show up as promised). Then he did what S does best when he's been crying a lot...

He vomited. It's behavioral vomiting and he does it every time he gets upset or crying after he gets hurt/injured. It's lovely (not) and I was hoping he would grow out of it by now. No such luck.

He cried and heaved his chest for 20+ minutes. He got his favorite TV channel, Animal Planet,taken away until Tuesday. That threw him into even more dramatics and he exclaimed "I can't believe this is happening to me". Seriously, I wanted to laugh, but he already scraped the last exposed nerve and about the same time he did that, J walked out and then S told him how he missed him and continued to cry while J told him to calm down. 10 minutes after that, he passed out asleep for the remainder of the trip.

I didn't even mention the worst part. He was in the back seat saying how he wished I would die. I know this is just kid talk, and kids do get facinated with death from time to time, but it still stung a little to hear that. He also went into details of how I was going to die. It just really sucked and I tried to remind myself that he was angry, not getting his way and lashing out. He was talking to himself in the back seat, so I acted like I didn't hear him and I didn't comment on what he was saying.

It's hard to say that it didn't bother me, because the fact is..that it did. From the moment he was born, I had to fight to reform the bond that was broken between us because of S's early birth. When I finally did get that bond back, I was a fierce mother. I fought for him, I cried for him, I made sure he came first in every way possible. I wanted him to always smile and never cry and always know that he was loved and would always be taken care of. I fought to make sure he reached his milestones, I worked with him in achieving those little goals. I stayed by his NICU bed for hours upon hours, then again when he was home and growing up. I always encouraged him to explore his world and helped him do so. I always sang to him and danced with him. I've been a stay at home mom since 2004 and in doing so, made sure my children always knew I was there for them. S was a total momma's boy.

So it stings, but I know it was said and now it's over. So moving on....

Wonder what kind of drama tomorrow will bring!


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