Tuesday, April 29, 2008
When you become a parent, you strive to be the best. You try and do things different than what your parents did. You want to make sure your kids have EVERYTHING you didn't growing up.
I didn't have a great childhood. I can't remember anything but some horrible times. I know there were good times, but, I just can't remember them. That is sad. I want to make sure my kids see pictures of good times, of how much fun they had growing up. I want them to know that no matter what, they are MY boys and I will always be here for them.
But as I get older, and my kids get older, I can't help but realize something. I'm trying too hard. As I'm striving to be something more to my kids, I find myself falling short of my goals I had for them. I find my patience wears thin at times. I find myself snapping at them when they don't listen. Screaming right along with them when they aren't getting their ways. I can't wait for bedtime. When J offers to watch them while I sleep in, or go to the store by myself, I find myself JUMPING for joy.
That is NOT what I had in mind for their good memories.
I think as mothers, parents rather, we always think we know what is best for our kids. Things are planned, rules become more strict as they get older..so on..so forth. But is this really letting them create their own memories? I don't think so. I think I need to start relaxing more...
It's just hard to do in a crazy messed up world like the one we live in. But we do our best. We strive to do our best. That's all we can do.