Thursday, May 31, 2012

Living Dangerously

So, as many of you know, or don't know, my first husband died of heart problems. He had a triple bypass, and had many complications such as blood clots in his legs and that is what pretty much killed him in the end. He had a huge coronary attack, and I thought that is what killed him. I found out about a month later, that he had a huge blood clot that was in his neck and on the left side of his face. His sister told me this and that's also why they could not embalm that side of his face. Also, he did not stop smoking or drinking and even though I tried my hardest to change his eating habits, he refused to even do that. There is only so much you can do for someone...

On Sunday night, J calls me and tells me that his heart is racing and he's going to the ER. My mind went to a very very dark place. I stayed up, waiting for him to call me, and I finally called the ER and they said they were admitting him, and they let me talk to him. Turns out that his heart was beating at 78-180 and that was not good. I went into action, tried calling my sister in law, and everyone that I could think of. When I called back to the hospital and asked to speak to him, I found out he was in ICU and then I freaked the frig out. Seriously. I about had a panic attack. I finally got the kids ready to go to their Aunt's and I was out the door.

I got to the hospital, and thank heavens his brother was sitting with him. Turns out J was in something called Atrial Fibrillation. A Fib. for short. They were trying medications, but it didn't seem to be working. So they were going to transfer him to a bigger hospital and they were going to put him under and shock his heart until it went back into a normal sinus rhythm.

I kept calm, but inside, my heart was breaking, and my soul was feeling crushed. There was no way in hell that I was going to be burying a 2nd husband. Just no way. I couldn't let my thoughts wonder along that path for too long, or I was going to need some help myself in the form of a straight jacket and medication. So we all laughed about it, and the ambulance came to transport him and his brother and I drove separate cars down to the new hospital. The ambulance passed us and 2 seconds later, I wish I had been riding in the car with his brother because I cried so hard, I could barely see out the window. It was like a bad dream had come back to revisit me and I was instantly taken back to my first husband and I was slowly going down that rabbit hole and I knew I had to stop and focus on what I needed to do now, and not worry about what happened in the past.

Turns out, all he needed was the right medication. He did not need to be put under and shocked, and he did not have a heart attack and there were no blood clots to be seen. No idea how or why it happened, it might be because he has sleep apnea. He will be on these meds for a few months, and an aspirin a day probably for the rest of his life, but he has an appointment with he cardio doc and we'll see what he says then.

I was never so happy to have him back at home and in our bed as I was the day he got out of the hospital. On the way home, we got a HUGE rain storm, and when it was over, we were almost home, and a huge, big, radiant rainbow was in full view. Not only that, but another lighter rainbow was over that one. I can't remember the last time I saw a rainbow, let alone a double one!

I can't help but think that it was sent for us to see that everything was going to be ok, we were just going to have to trust.

1 Comment:

  1. Carrie said...
    I was terrified for you, too. :( So glad he's home!

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