Thursday, January 12, 2012
I do not know what happened or how it happened, but it did.
I'm terrified of tornadoes. They cause me to have anxiety attacks hours before a major storm even hits our state. A bad storm, that is producing tornadoes over in Mississippi, can cause me distress like you can't even imagine.
I start checking the Weather Channel every 15 minutes, and then it stays on the Weather Channel or our local news channel the whole entire length of the storm. Providing it doesn't knock out power, in which case, I then proceed to have a total meltdown. I was diagnosed with having an Anxiety Disorder in 2005. I will, once in a great while, have a panic attack for no reason, and at one time I was taking Ativan for them, but haven't done so in a very very long time.
About a week or so ago, I tried watching a TV show about Extreme Weather, in which case, of course, a tornado was talked about. When they started showing video footage of a tornado, I cried. I'm not talking about just little tears in my eyes, I'm talking full on tears streaming down my face kind of crying. My chest felt tight and my voice wavered as I sent the kids to play in their playroom. I really really try to act like a bad storm is no big deal in front of my boys. I don't want them having the same sort of anxiety about them as I do. I've been known to call friends at 3 in the morning to help me get through it.
Again, I have no idea why I started to become scared or when. I've never actually been in or even seen, in person, a tornado. When we lived in Alabama, there were tornadoes every time it rained or stormed and that was a TON. But, I was afraid of them long before we moved to Alabama.
I think, that having children has made me even more afraid. Now I have these little lives that I have to protect and with something as serious as a tornado, I can't predict one and I feel out of control and scared for the boys. I was never this scared of them when I was childless.
I have no idea what to do about my fear of tornadoes. Freaking out, chest hurting, copious amounts of tears, and feeling out of control is not something I want to do every. single. time, but I am up against the wall and helpless to do anything more when it comes to this.
Anyone with any ideas on what to do?