Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Am I stupid? Or naive? More than likely and possibly.
Let me explain.
I have PCOS. No, Google it, I'm not going into details here.
I do realize there are things that I need to do to keep this problem under control. I've known since October 2009 that I have PCOS. I have maybe 1-3 visits from that old hag, Aunt Flow, a year. PCOS can cause a lot of problems.
-bad acne
-weight gain
-hard to lose weight
-insulin problems
-hair growth in unwanted places
There is really a laundry list of things, but that gives you the gist of it. I have the insulin problems and it can lead to diabetes. I don't seem to have the problem of losing weight. I did manage to lose 10lbs after my back surgery and so far, have kept it off. I also lost a ton of weight when I had my gallbladder problem in 2008-2009 and have kept it off as well. Also, PCOS can cause heart disease if not properly maintained and in check.
See..I'm not stupid, but I'm acting it. I KNOW what I'm supposed to be doing. For one, getting my fat arse up to walk and get in some exercise would help. I did join Curves in February, did one visit, but since my back surgery, I am not allowed to go workout there..yet. If I can't do it this year, I will join next year. It really is a lot of fun! Anyhow...I also need to take my medication, the Metformin and I need to take birth control pills. I have no excuse for not taking the Metformin, but I have known since 2004 that I cannot take birth control pills. It causes lots of problems in me that I do not like. Even switching brands doesn't work, and doing different doses and all that junk doesn't work. So..that's my excuse for not taking birth control. I also need to watch what I eat, my carb intake and start making heart healthier foods and snacks. It would just benefit all of us.
You would think that I wouldn't be such a hypocrite. I jumped all over my late husband to stop smoking and drinking and eat better and take care of himself so he would be here for his son and me and his family. He had a triple bypass and that's why I told him all those things. But he didn't listen to me and he died in 2003.
I have a GREAT friend who has PCOS (Hi Carrie!) and she is a very big help to me when I have questions. But do I listen to her. Well, yes..I hear what she's saying and I DO listen, but do I act on it? No. Do I know better? Yes. Am I in denial of having this disease? Yes and no. I used to be, but now I'm not.
You would think that being here for MY kids and husband would be a high priority and they would be a good reason to start taking care of myself. It is! I don't ever want my kids to go a day without me telling them I love them. I don't even want my husband to lay in an empty bed, holding onto a pillow that should be me there instead.
I need to get my arse in order. I need to make a promise to myself and my loved ones that I'm going to do this so you can see my healthy face for years and years to come.
But, for all this to happen, I must get my docs approval. I'm still healing from back surgery and he still doesn't want me doing housework (like sweeping or standing in one place too long, like for dishes or mopping) and I'm also still not allowed to bend, twist or lift anything.
So in the coming months, I'll get to maybe start putting a plan into action and getting myself a little healthier. One step at a time kinda thing, I guess!
