Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I'm having surgery. Yes, another surgery. This will be the 3rd one in a year. But, this is a major one. It's back surgery. I'm having a disk removed, a spacer put in and so that means, it will pretty much be fused. I have another disk going back above the one getting removed, but the doctor does not want to do anything to it yet. I'm too young and if I have that one done, he'll have to it to both sides of my spine. It could be a debilitating procedure. I don't want to be disabled at 31 (almost 32) years old. My kids are just babies still, and need me for everything. I'm hoping to hold off on another surgery on my back until I'm well into my older years. That's what the doc and I are hoping anyhow.
Choosing surgery was an easy decision for me. For us, rather. J was in on the decision just as much as I was. As much as I DO NOT WANT SURGERY, I can't deny the fact that it's needed. The doctor gave me some choices before surgery and he explained that since I have already done those options, and that they didn't work, that they are bound to not work this time either. I especially said no to the steroid epidural shots. I will never do those again. Having the epidural and the spinal shot for my boys' c-sections was horrid. We asked questions, asked what would happen if this or that were to take place. The doc was patient and answered every question we had. A was being a total brat, but the doc didn't seem to mind. So end the end, J was happy with what we had found out, and his fears were put to rest, and we had our answers.
The doc couldn't believe I have been living with my discs like this over over 10 years. He asked me how I dealt with the pain and I said that I just did. Tylenol, Motrin, and if it got too bad, I would go to the doc and do a round of pain pills and stronger anti-inflammatories. But I rarely had to do that.
I'm happy with the decision. I really am. Even though I keep thinking and saying (a lot) maybe I shouldn't do it, I know deep down that it is the best decision for me to move on and get rid of this pain. Even when I looked up back surgery on YouTube, and watched a surgery, the same type of surgery I'll be having, and thus, freaking out A LOT, I'm still committed to it.
That's not to say I'm scared. That's not to say I'm worried and I hope I come out of it alive. I'm worried, I'm scared, and I hope nothing goes wrong. I hope that I have minimal recovery pain, I hope I get better quickly and am back in this game called Life very soon.
I'm still nervous, though!