Thursday, September 10, 2009

By example

J and I are striving to be good parents. We don't smoke, we don't do drugs, and we only drink occasionally. And by occasionally, I mean, twice a year and we never leave home. If we both are having drinks, I'm normally the one who will only have a couple of whatever we are drinking. I don't like the idea of becoming so drunk, that if something happens, I can't react. That scares the bejeezus outta me! We try not to cuss and use bad language, but sometimes, a word here or there slips out. We are only human. We try not to have fights in front of them, and that too, has failed once or twice. I really really want to be better about this. It's not like J and I fight all the time, but we aren't perfect. But we do get a few good ones in every year or so. Again, I really want the fighting in front of them to stop. My dad and step mom fought constantly and it's just not a memory I want my kids to have of their Father and I.

J has always had a job. He's been working since he was a teenager. He took care of his dad, and after he died, he took care of his mother. He also fixes things around the house and fiddles around with cars and what not. He does have a diesel mechanic background. We want the boys to know that to get what you want, you have to work and sometimes work hard to obtain your goals. We don't plan on giving them a free ride. They want a car, they will work to pay for one. We plan on helping, yes, but not giving in and giving them what they want for free.

I haven't worked in nearly 5 years. For the first time in a long time, I'm feeling an itch to DO something. Anything! I want to get S settled in school and A started in Pre-K before I decide what to do. I really think me being at home for my children is very important. Again, I'm not debating the whole Stay at home vs. Working Moms thing. Everyone does what's right and what's needed for their family. But for my family, me staying at home has been best. I don't have to worry about my children and if, who's watching them, knows that they like that for lunch, or if they are playing and interacting with them or if my kids are OK. It just made life much easier for me to be at home.

Now that they are growing up. Oh GOD, how I hate to admit that and worse yet, how I hate to see that. But there is no denying it. Anyhow. Now that they are starting their school years, I figured it's the perfect time to go back to school. I really want to do the Ultrasound Technician thing. I'm hoping, by the time I'm done with schooling, that the economy will be somewhat better and there will be more job openings. I want to work in a doctor's office, with a hospital being a last choice.

But..and there's always a "but".

I need to get my GED. Yes, I quit school 2 months before I was set to graduate and just a half of a credit away. My temper got the better of me and I let some bully teacher get me down. When I'm down, I fight back. The fight instinct is strong withe me, I sometimes wish that it wasn't. This is where I want my kids to know that it's never too late to realize a dream. This is where I want to lead by example and make sure they understand that the best thing they can do is stay in school. I want them to be proud of me, because out of every single person I know, family and friends alike, my sons' opinion of me is the ones I value the most. I know that it will also make me happy. I know that I contribute different ways to the household, but if I get a job, I'll be able to say for sure I do. I'll feel better about myself!

Also, I'd like to work and let J take a year or so off from working. He could get his shoulder worked on, or just be the one to rest for a while. I know that he would enjoy spending time with the boys more. He's a wonderful Daddy and the boys adore him. Well, A is a Mommy's Boy, and S just loves everyone, but there is just something about Daddy that they love. I guess it's all that male bonding. I'm pretty sure that before long, J is going to have the boys start helping around the house more, and helping him out with little projects. I can't wait to watch my men working together and having fun!

Just some stuff to ponder and stuff that's floating around in my head. Sooner or later, I'll have those thoughts all processed and ready to go!


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