Monday, January 28, 2013


I had so much stress and anxiety today, that 20 minutes into what I was doing-I had to quit. I literally shut down, my emotions ran very high and I cried a bunch. I was on the very edge of having a severe panic attack. My jaw hurt, my chest hurt and I was scared. I hate that out of control feeling.

I feel like I have to get everything together for the lawyer I'm seeing in a couple of days. I've sat and remembered Doctors/Physical Therapist/Clinics/Surgical Centers/MRI Centers for her, dating clear back to 2000. I've looked up addresses, and phone numbers and called them all. There has been a couple places that are no longer even open, so I've had to call other numbers to try to figure out where records might be. I've written them all down in almost perfect order from the first doctor I saw to my doctors right now.

But, my mind and psyche can only take so much before I break and I'm close to that point. I was told that for her 25% she'll take from my back pay..that I should let her do all the work. In my mind, I KNOW that, but my emotions and need to be prepared is overtaking that and I feel like I need to help in the process. That maybe if I just do this..or if I just do that, that maybe..just will take some of the workload off and things will go quicker. But again, I know better. This could take years. Anywhere from 3-7!!

I'm hoping she may be able to subpoena my worker's compensation records. I've heard that they keep them anywhere from 25 years to life! I'm hoping so, because in order for me to receive treatment, they got my test results and diagnosis and the doctor's notes. At least, that's what I'm hoping for. If they do, this will be a MAJOR win for me.

Then on top of all this shit storm, the feral cat population in our neighborhood has exploded and thanks to the next door neighbors, it will continue to grow. We are outside city limits, so no help from the warden. Unless I want to pay for them to trap the cats. WHAT?? They are not even MY cats. They mainly all hang out around the neighbors house and they talk to them and pet them when they can.  But the males, they spray everything. Even our house. Under our house, on our cars, on our porches and front and back door. On everything we have outside. It stinks so so bad. I hate having people over because it smells like cat spray. I'm at a loss on what to do, and we are at a point of maybe having to do something drastic. I'm sorry, but I don't think it's healthy for my kids' room to smell like that while they are sleeping because one or more of the cats sprayed under the house. We are getting new under pinning, so that will help with that problem, hopefully. They fight all the time, which sets our old dog, Leroy off to barking, which sets our other dog, Ace, off to jumping around and trying to figure out why Leroy is barking. So Leroy has to go into the bathroom because he'll bark 5-6 times a night, depending on how often the cats fight outside.

So the next stop for bed!


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